Sometimes these special someones aren't who we would expect them to be. Not everyone can be compassionate, or caring in the way we think they should. Without getting into that too much for sake of pissing anyone off, lets just say I have such the case. The people in my life I feel as though I should be able to depend on, are not always there or have the capability to offer such support.
With that being said, I do have a wonderful bunch of friends that I can always count on. They have been there through good times, bad times and everywhere else in between. I cannot imagine my life without them, and I only hope that I return the love and support they bring to my life. Even though I am grateful for them, I can't help but feel a little cheated. I say that because my friends pick up where others leave off. That isn't fair to them, and sometimes leaves me feeling like a "needy" friend.
I start to wonder if there is something wrong with me... Am I not good enough? Do I need too much attention? Why doesn't so&so know I need them right now? How can they just ignore me? Do they not care? Why don't they care? Are they even capable of caring? Why am I even wasting time thinking about this?? All this leads to resentment and disappointment. Two emotions I rather not have.
I would like to think my self esteem is at a healthy level... I am not completely unfortunate looking, I am kind, caring and at times I even impress myself with my creativeness, however this aspect of my life challenges it. I am to blame, since I let it happen. That amuses me because I am super confident and self-assured in most other areas of my life... so why does this bother me so much? I might not ever get the answer to that question. (put that on the list of others...)
This post kind of turned into a rant.. Not my intention!! But it felt good to get it out!! AAAhhhhh....
I would hate to end this on a bad note... so I will leave with this...
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