Lately this particular quote has been stuck in my head. Lately I have been withdrawn and despondent. Lately, my mind has been focused on the "what if's", and I have been an anxiety ridden mess. Lately, I am not myself. Lately I have been caught up in an emotional battle of the right thing being the hardest thing. Lately I have been angry at the pessimistic attitude I possess.
There have been PLENTY of times in my life where I have felt like this.. where I have been broken from pressure, or grief and I have always managed to pick up the pieces. My optimism and my determined attitude has always kept me from falling apart completely. I can only hope that this will be the case in my current battle. I suppose it ought to start with a rational perspective that even though it is going to be extremely difficult, it is indeed the right thing. I have to allow myself to feel the emotions as they come, and not try to suppress them. I need to let go of the anger, and the self pity.(That shit will rob you of all happiness) There is no doubt in my mind that you can love something or someone so much that you are blinded from reality. Maybe there has been lingering doubt, but it has been camouflaged by hope, or a desire for happiness. Living in a routine that has left a sense of unfulfilled complacency. As contradictory as that might sound, it is how I have been feeling. Not wanting to "make waves" or upset others has left me in a state of apprehension.
Holding on to things I cannot change is exhausting, as the weight of past is a very heavy load I tend to carry. Constantly thinking of how things could have gone differently, or what I could have done to change is starting to wear on me. It is ruining my relationships with everyone and that is not something I can let happen anymore. Fall 7 times, stand up 8.... Today I choose to get up and take the first step. Leaving the heaviness behind me and moving forward even if it will be one of the most difficult things I will ever have to do, because sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
