Keeping that PMA!

I am not ashamed to admit that I am one of those "approval seeking" types in that I need to be told that I am appreciated. I do not think that is necessarily a bad thing, but it definitely puts me into the "needy" category. I sometimes second guess my decisions, for fear of disappointing others. Confidence is one of those personal characteristics I lack at times. That is not to say that I always doubt myself, just in certain situations. I am not sure as to why, but feeling as though I am "good enough" is important. Being told that I am a good friend, mother, sister, daughter or that I did a good job is considerably essential to my pride. That might sound a bit foolish, however, it is the truth.

I make every effort to show my gratitude towards others... whether it is a simple text message, or a long conversation, I try to let the people in my life know I value them. Acknowledging their achievements and celebrating their successes.. or just boosting their self esteem. I believe everyone needs to hear that they are wonderful, or doing a good job! I know that self approval is just as important, but it doesn't hurt to hear it from others every now and then.This is where the line is a bit smeared for me. I have a tendency to seek the compliments or approvals a little to much. I rely on them to give me the self assurance I need.

Today, my personal challenge is to be more confident... To not seek approval from anyone else ... and to be sure of the decisions I am making. Having a positive mental attitude about myself without the second guessing. I am going to leave the uncertainty, apprehension, and doubt behind to make room for the self gratification I deserve!

Happiness from within

“Happiness comes from within. It is not dependent on external things or on other people. You become vulnerable and can be easily hurt when your feelings of security and happiness depend on the behavior and actions of other people. Never give your power to anyone else.”

-Brian Weiss

                                         

 What a powerful quote! It speaks such truth, yet I see a flaw. As much as I agree that happiness comes from within, how can one be truly happy if they are surrounded by others who do not share the same optimism? Do you cut the "Debbie Downers" out of your life? Is hurting others at the expense of your own happiness really being happy? I get the "you only live once", and I totally agree that  "life is short", as cliche as that all sounds, yet I can't help feel as though true happiness comes with a price. 

Society paints a picture as to what "happiness" is. Happiness is wealth, marriage, children, a good career, vacations, etc... But in my mind, happiness is love, understanding and appreciation. Being spontaneous, and silly is something that will guarantee me a good time. To some, that is immature and childish, but to me, living life to the fullest is my idea of happiness.  A spur of the moment trip to the city, or an unplanned dinner party with my friends and family are things that I cherish. I find that my "ideas" of happiness do not match up with others, and frequently I feel as if I am letting them down. The sense of disappointment  I feel  because I choose to let things go doesn't seem to fit into "Never give your power to anyone else". The guilt I sometimes get for having the belief that laughter and memories are more important than anything. For instance, if the weather is nice, I choose to go to the beach instead of do laundry... My responsibilities will still be there at the end of the day, and as much as I loathe laundry, it will get done.. My happiness comes from that quality time with my daughters, not from the satisfaction of folded clothes. In such a situation, there is the chance that someone will not share in my free-spirited thinking and there will be a disagreement, which will totally ruin my "happy" for the day.

I guess what I am trying to say is that as much as I would LOVE to believe that true happiness comes from within, I also believe you are a little dependent on others. Ideas of happiness vary, and everyone has a different perspective. Surrounding yourself with people who have a different attitude will not allow you to ever be truly happy. I just do not see how that is possible.. someone will change... either their outlook on life and their personal definition of happiness, or their outlook on relationships. There is that "cost" I was talking about. Nobody should ever change who they are for another. One person's happiness is never superior to the others. Where is that middle ground? Is compromising part of happiness? Is that really being true to oneself? This is where the confusion lies in the previous quote.. this is the flaw I see. I could be over thinking this a bit,  I am notorious for that, but I would just love to hear, see or be told something that makes more sense.

I am going to search for that perfect "win-win" situation, where I am free to be me, and pursue my happiness.. without putting an expense on anothers...  

 

When life gives you lemons..

I absolutely HATE this expression! 

I get what the meaning is.. When life throws you shit, figure out a way to deal with it. Well, sometimes I rather not! Sometimes I rather wallow in self pity and curse life for giving me a"lemon".. Hey life, how about you give me some money, or answers? I am confident I could do something better with that!

Usually I have a positive outlook, even with all the "lemons". For the most part I make the best of everything and anything that comes my way.. however, sometimes there are "lemons" that are just too foul to be made into any sort of refreshment.

Maybe it is my mood for today, but I like this quote better....

Do opposites really attract?

I am sure everyone has heard this... and for the most part, I can agree that this statement has some truth to it, However, just because opposites attract, doesn't necessarily mean they stay drawn to each other. Relationships that begin with conflicting points of view or beliefs may start out wonderful.. but eventually I feel that fizzles and resentment sets in. Whether it be friendships, intimate relationships or even casual acquaintances, if there are too many conflicting characteristics, the relationship is never going to grow and thrive. Now, this is just my opinion, and maybe you see it differently. Maybe you have a friend that has contrasting views on everything, or are married to your polar opposite, and it works for you. Maybe you learn a lot from the other persons perspectives, and are completely content with having opposing personalities.

I would like to think that my opinion on this isn't a personality flaw. What I mean is, I am very much a person that "agrees to disagree". Just because another doesn't share my viewpoint doesn't make them wrong. I really value everyone for who they are, but being truly compatible with someone who doesn't share my beliefs seems unlikely. I guess I just feel as though in order to have a mutually gratifying relationship, you should possess similar ideas. That, in no way, means that I have this unrealistic thought that all meaningful relationships are only made when people have identical thoughts., but having too many differences doesn't seem to work either. I am not talking about what your favorite color is, or your preference in music, rather, your passions and values. For instance, being that I am a VERY compassionate person,  the majority of individuals I am close with share that characteristic with me. I cannot see myself being close with someone who is not as sympathetic and kind, let alone having a rewarding relationship.

I saw this quote:

"Opposites attract, but like minded last.." 

This simple sentence makes such sense to me. In my experience, relationships with people that have clashing opinions can leave one or both people feeling isolated. The connections once felt are replaced with bitterness and hostility. Confusion and indifference takes place of that initial attraction and curiosity. We learn and grow as individuals by our experiences in life, and the people meet. Values are made from an individuals impression on what is important, and essential to their life. How can relationships built on opposites endure when it is crucial to believe in your personal values? Having a common attitude about life, in my opinion, is vital for a successful relationship.. with anyone!  

Something I have noticed....

While I was sitting in the dental chair, enduring a very long overdue root canal, I was thinking about the quirky endodontist performing the procedure. I wonder what gave him his motivation to attend dental school, or what drove him to become an endodontist. Was it something his parents encouraged, or was it financial reasoning's that persuaded him? (He does drive a very nice BMW) Was it is dream career, or just a profession he chose? Whatever the case.. he is a successful man. That got me deep in thought about what my dream career was. I am not sure I really had one. I would have loved to been a pastry chef for some swanky hotel. I did decorate cakes, but that doesn't really come close. When I got a little older, I thought about becoming a nurse, or a midwife.... Not sure what happened there, but I am definitely not either of those. I went to dental assisting school, which, was very informative, and I learned a lot... but I am not working at a dental office.

Where did I go wrong? Haha... what I mean is, did I not have motivation? Was the fact that there wasn't something I "saw" myself doing? Did I not work hard enough to figure it all out? Why am I not driving a BMW and drilling holes in peoples teeth? Don't get me wrong.. I am very grateful for all that I have in my life... but I can't help but wonder what if. What if I went to that fancy NY restaurant institute? What if I followed through with enrolling in Nursing school? What if I had been more persistent about my education? What if, what if, what if?? Would life be that much different?

I am sure we all have these thoughts. I would love to assume that even the most successful, and professional people think about their choices, and wonder if they made the right ones. I suppose we all have the "what if" syndrome at times. Whether it be in our job choices, family matters, or something as simple as what to have for dinner. I like to stay positive and keep the belief that everything happens the way it should. We all have a path set for us, and when things aren't making much sense, I have to remember that. I have to let go of the "what if''s" and remind myself there is a reason I am not driving that BMW and drilling holes in peoples teeth.